Attention new students of Brighton: each month we delve into the dwellings of our pals and write about where they live, focusing on the local utilities we know matter to you. If you’re reading this from some ill-thought-out pit of squalor and despair, it’s too late for you unfortunately. Sorry about that. Let’s see what you could have won…

Totland Road? You’ll have to enlighten me.
It’s up Elm Grove. You know when you go up and turn right onto Queen’s Park Road? Turn left instead. It’s not far up the hill, honest.

Assume I’m new in town. A student, say. Will I like Totland Road?
It’s hard to say. Different strokes for different blokes, innit? But this area is generally good for students. Lots of them live in shared houses round here and seem happy enough. No one riots or anything. It’s a nice happy vibe here.

Where will we drink our snakebites?
Don’t patronise the students, no one drinks that anymore, grandad. But since you ask, we like The Hartington – a nice family-friendly pub with a great menu and a great garden. The Hanover – might look a bit grim on the outside but it’s lovely in there. The Cornerstone’s decent – good Jamaican food in there. The London Unity’s a good curry pub that does takeaway as well.

Takeaway – now we’re talking. Let’s ring out for food.
We can do better than that. This is the 21st century, where we don’t want to actually speak to people if we don’t have to. In2Night.com is a great local business that delivers home-cooked grub like lasagne and stew and stuff – ideal for students missing their mummy’s cooking and blubbing into their tins of cold beans.

What else can this location tantalise me with?
Well, you’re mere seconds away from Lewes Road, which has some interesting outlets – there’s a Co-Op for your weekly big shop, next door there’s an Aladdin’s cave-type shop with cheap plastic bins, airers and sweets. There’s the weird urban garden – like an outdoor squat with plants and hippies, and Brighton’s best charity shop opposite. Then there’s the Turkish supermarket, for odd ingredients and good fresh produce.

And we’re near The Level there, right?
Yes indeed we are – the great outdoors writ large. Where better to practice your poi, juggle like there’s actually no shame in it, drink super strength lager at 9am, exercise your feral dogs, do show-offy yoga with some dreadlocked drop-out instructor and smoke marijuana to your heart’s content? Lovely!

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